I'M HURTING

My inexperience may cost me the best,
such a long journey, such a strenuous quest,
all of my life i'd been searching for love,
and you seemed like a blessing, a gift from above,
without meaning to i hurt you.

I pray you'll forgive me, if not all is lost,
why did it all end in ruins? Was it to be all for not?
He's the one thing i wanted, the one thing i need,
and i pushed him away, his efforts i ignored,
but in the end i'm hurting for him.

How i wish i never allowed myself to feel,
never should my heart let him in,
coz the pain of loss cut straight to the bone,
now i'm struggling to get over him, my days so dull, feel more dead than alive,
but i still embrace the pain,
for it belongs to me to feel and through it learn.

ME

I'm the judge, i'm the jury. So let me my decisions make, my actions are mine so do. For it's me who will consequences face, what's good and bad me decide.

LIKE AIR

I lost something.
A very important part of me.
The worst part is that I probably never had it.
He came into my life a cool breeze.
Everyone knows that you can't catch air.
But I'm a fool and yes I tried.
And just when I thought I had him,
he slipped right through my fingers.
Like Air.
If I close my eyes, I can still feel his arms around me.
Grabbing his hand and pointing at Orion.
Feel his breath on my neck, his body calming my cold shivers.
I replay that moment every time I blink.
I felt him open his.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt safe.
Every fear that I had .
Every insecurity vanished when he told me that he loved me.
So soft. So low. So gentle. So real.
The moment magnified, I could hear the fish swim in the river below.
I could see the fragment of glass on the moon and everything went silent.
So quiet that you could hear my breathless response.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to reach up and slap God high five.
But then like air- it disappeared.
His breathing got heavy.
I saw flickers in his eyes and within a couple of seconds my world came crashing down.
His indifference cut me like shrapnel.
And even though his thoughts hadn't become actions,
I couldn't help but feel like I had lost him.
It hurt so bad. So bad. He turned the tables on me with his sexy swiftness.
Made me feel as though I had committed the ultimate crime.
And what did I do? I let him. He made my eyes melt. Made my ears bleed.
Made my heart ache. And just like a cool sudden breeze- he was gone.
He removed a pebble from my foundation and collapsed the greatest pyramid in Egypt.
And after the dust cleared, and the air had returned to it's resting stage.
I was left in ruins. Like air- I was gone.