Dear Sis...
And you wonder why I have
conflicts with my faith in the church
teachings and the selective hypocrisy.
Instead of your trying to know me
and my struggles to come to terms
with myself, you have already
passed judgement about me. In haste
and without considering what I'm
going through, you send me these
which is solely based on Christian
based research and is bound to be
partial. Thus biased
Please take time and with an open
mind read and research the much you
can about the subject. Put your
Christian beliefs and your underlying
perception about gayism and see me
*your brother*, who have grown
with you, celebrated and cried with
you along the way. Then, maybe then
you'll realize that I'm still the same. I
haven't changed nor will I change.
I still love you and forever will.
Kindest regards,
Your Bro
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
A letter to my sister Contd
This is a continuation of my earlier post......
Hi Sis, when I started this letter, I never planned for it to be so reflective and revealing. I just wanted to vent my anger and disappointment with you. Yeah I know but it's a common human trait to use attack as a defence mechanism. I thought that would save me from having to deal with the elephant in the room - blame my literature teacher for the sad use of imagery here. I've found out that writing about the way I view you makes more sense and is kinda therapeutic.
After you cleared high school you moved to the city and I saw you less, those days mobile phones were for the affluent in the society thus I had to wait till you came visiting us upcountry and as you know those visits were rare and you never stayed for long. I always thought that the bond we shared was strong for it was able to survive the separation.
Now to the issue at hand, remember there was a day you ask me whether I was gay? That was months after I cleared high school and I had moved in with you. At the time I denied and I remember being angry with you for it. To tell the truth Sis, I had had gay thoughts but at that moment I was in denial and it was some years later that I accepted myself for who I was. I guess you always had your suspicions about me and you definately knew that I was different. I remember you always saying that I was the most caring, emotional, loving person you knew and yet that I was the most secretive also - Hello, I couldn't have been more gayer than that, well maybe a dragqueen.
You experience first hand my rebellious phase which was quite unique compared to those of my elder brothers. I remember the look you had when I pierced my ear, priceless, then came the dreadlocks, the booze, the raves and the anger(tantrums). You saw them all and you helped me through them all.
I am tearing up so I'll conclude later
Hi Sis, when I started this letter, I never planned for it to be so reflective and revealing. I just wanted to vent my anger and disappointment with you. Yeah I know but it's a common human trait to use attack as a defence mechanism. I thought that would save me from having to deal with the elephant in the room - blame my literature teacher for the sad use of imagery here. I've found out that writing about the way I view you makes more sense and is kinda therapeutic.
After you cleared high school you moved to the city and I saw you less, those days mobile phones were for the affluent in the society thus I had to wait till you came visiting us upcountry and as you know those visits were rare and you never stayed for long. I always thought that the bond we shared was strong for it was able to survive the separation.
Now to the issue at hand, remember there was a day you ask me whether I was gay? That was months after I cleared high school and I had moved in with you. At the time I denied and I remember being angry with you for it. To tell the truth Sis, I had had gay thoughts but at that moment I was in denial and it was some years later that I accepted myself for who I was. I guess you always had your suspicions about me and you definately knew that I was different. I remember you always saying that I was the most caring, emotional, loving person you knew and yet that I was the most secretive also - Hello, I couldn't have been more gayer than that, well maybe a dragqueen.
You experience first hand my rebellious phase which was quite unique compared to those of my elder brothers. I remember the look you had when I pierced my ear, priceless, then came the dreadlocks, the booze, the raves and the anger(tantrums). You saw them all and you helped me through them all.
I am tearing up so I'll conclude later
Monday, February 7, 2011
A letter to my sister
Dear Sis,
I still haven't gathered courage to talk to you since that fateful day you found out that I was gay. This is partly because I am scared to death of what to say to make you understand. On the other hand, it's because I'm hurting, your words that day cut so deep and the pain they inflicted was worse than any physical pain I ever experienced.
When I was a little boy, I never got the chance to relate with you the way I would have liked to due to the fact that by the time I was joining nursery school, you joined a boarding high school. Nevertheless, we had this special bond and I remember crying my hurt out everytime you left for school. I remember waiting anxiously for your school's visiting day to spend the day with you eating chapatis - God I love them - and other delicacies mum had prepared for you. Those were special moments that I'll forever cherish.
Now the confession part,
I used to miss you so much and to fill the void, I started sneaking in to your room while others were asleep and there I felt close to you. Innocently, I would sleep in your bed while wearing one of your sweaters and I remember being at peace like you were there protecting me. Then I started noticing your inner, forgive me but I've to tell it all, I don't know what made me do it but I found those laced thongs so appealing that I had to try them on - SO GAY. I remember prefering to wear them instead of my own undies.
That was hard for me, you have to wait for part 2 later.... P.S I hate confessions
I still haven't gathered courage to talk to you since that fateful day you found out that I was gay. This is partly because I am scared to death of what to say to make you understand. On the other hand, it's because I'm hurting, your words that day cut so deep and the pain they inflicted was worse than any physical pain I ever experienced.
When I was a little boy, I never got the chance to relate with you the way I would have liked to due to the fact that by the time I was joining nursery school, you joined a boarding high school. Nevertheless, we had this special bond and I remember crying my hurt out everytime you left for school. I remember waiting anxiously for your school's visiting day to spend the day with you eating chapatis - God I love them - and other delicacies mum had prepared for you. Those were special moments that I'll forever cherish.
Now the confession part,
I used to miss you so much and to fill the void, I started sneaking in to your room while others were asleep and there I felt close to you. Innocently, I would sleep in your bed while wearing one of your sweaters and I remember being at peace like you were there protecting me. Then I started noticing your inner, forgive me but I've to tell it all, I don't know what made me do it but I found those laced thongs so appealing that I had to try them on - SO GAY. I remember prefering to wear them instead of my own undies.
That was hard for me, you have to wait for part 2 later.... P.S I hate confessions
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Unwanted Me
I have grown up knowing that I was kinda different from the rest of my family but one thing was certain to me that I was and would always be loved. I may lived in fear that eventually I would have to reveal myself to them and that is a moment every person dreads.
It took me 24 years to at least come to terms with my sexuality, add to that one more year to gather enough courage to put myself to the world. Last November I came out to my cousin and that was one of the most tense moments in my life. Surprisingly I went better than I envisioned with him accepting me for who I am and pledging his life for me.
Today turned out to be the darkest and most trying in my life. I woke up to find a message from my only sister, the message went: " Found out you are gay, I don't want to even talk to you ever. You are an abomination before God and cursed to face all evil in the world. " You can't imagine the shock I was in, why did this have to happen to me? From what I gather someone on facebook ousted me for reasons best known to him.
After the initial shock faded, I wrote this to her - I'll talk to you once I'm able to digest all, it's in your discretion how to react to all. For now I ain't got more to say. Regards. - I then deactivated my facebook account and when offline on my mobile yahoo messenger, I didn't know anything else to do.
Long story short in just one day I have changed from a loving brother cared for and accepted into a hated abomination, shunned and cursed. WHY? You may ask, just for trying to be me - The Unwanted Me.
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